Social Anxiety Stories - No Parties For Marnie

A Special Event She Must Attend

Marnie looked at her phone. It was 9pm. Still time to go to the party. She’d told her cousin she was going to be there. Afterall, her cousin Lacey was getting married and this was the “stagette” party. Her cousin would be really hurt if she didn’t show up. Maybe angry. For sure disappointed.

And yet she’d changed her clothes a few times, couldn’t get her makeup right and her hair was a disaster.

Why does this always happen to me, she wondered in frustration. I can’t go like this! Plus there’s all those people I don’t know – gorgeous women from wherever they come from – friends of Lacey – they will all laugh and talk and have fun and I won’t know what to say. Another night out spent mostly in the public restroom checking my clothes and styling my hair – any excuse to get away from sitting there with no one talking to me.

I hate this! But I have to go. I can’t let Lacey down.

Marnie wiped off her eye makeup, poured herself a vodka cooler and turned on some music – real loud -- and started to apply a new hot smokey eye look. Maybe this will get me in the mood, she thought.

It's 10pm

10pm – the pressure was building – she should go now or not go at all. What to do?

Her heart was pounding and she could fell the cold fear and dread taking hold of her. A knot in her stomach. I can’t do this! I don’t want to do this.

She grabbed her phone and quickly texted a message - Hi Lacey – can’t make it tonight – not feeling well – think I caught a bug – flu probs.

And pressed send.

The moment Marnie pressed send a wave of pure relief flowed through her. The blissful feeling of being free, released from pain and anxiety. It felt so good! Marnie quickly changed into her jammies, got a fuzzy throw to cuddle up in, poured herself another vodka cooler and settled in to watch Netflix. It was a feeling of pure delight.

Why should I have to go out and be miserable when I am very happy right here in my own apartment? She thought.

Still she couldn’t help but wonder what was happening at the party.

She picked up her phone to check facebook to see if anyone had posted anything about the party yet. Surely someone had a selfie or a group photo of the fun times they were having without her.

As she looked at her phone she realized that Lacey hadn’t texted her wondering where she was, or encouraging her to come out and join them.

They're having a good time without me.

It was almost a comfort when the familiar wave of sadness swept over her. No one even misses me. They have fun without me, why need me there? Lonely again, no one ever misses me, she thought. Maybe Lacey is even relieved that her socially awkward cousin isn’t around to make her look bad.

Why do I have to be this way? Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I have fun like everyone else ?

Marnie feel asleep on the sofa with feelings of shame, guilt and loneliness like a weight on her heart. (to be continued…..)